This little piece was the result of a writing exercise from one of my favorite writing podcasts,
Writing Excuses. It's a dialog exercise mixed with a challenge to write a story about a sympathetic critic as protagonist. Enjoy.
FIRST CRITIC
Arne Jamtgaard
"Well?"
"My lord?"
"What do you think?"
"Are you sure you want my honest opinion?"
"Yes, yes, your honest opinion."
"As you wish, my lord. Let's see. Well, to start with, the world-building seems, um, light."
"Light? What do you mean, light?"
"Um, well, and this is only my opinion, of course..."
"Yes?"
"There doesn't seem to be much of it. What you have is pretty enough, I do like the color scheme, all the blue and all, but..."
"But what? What about the fjords? Did you see the detail?"
"My lord, you're defending. You wanted my thoughts. These are they. Now, it's true, the fjords are lovely, but we don't really get to notice them much. This piece has only two characters, and you've stuck them way on the other side of the world, in a paradise. Which brings us to the next major issue. These two. He's got a job, surveying things. And she helps him. Have I got that right?"
"Pretty much, yes."
"You don't think that's a little... one-dimensional? I actually liked that he found he needed help, but then you brought on this other character, and solved his only issue. And that leads to the big problem."
"Hrm... Go on."
"Conflict. There is none. Man vs Nature? They're in a paradise! Man vs Man? There's only two of them, and you've made them perfect for each other! Man vs Self? Man vs God? You've got them so tightly scripted they don't even know what a wrong choice is!"
"Lucy, you're shouting."
"Forgive me, my lord, but it's so boring! It could be so amazing, so complex, but it's not... Okay, tell me this - You've outlined this whole work, haven't you?"
"Well yes, of course..."
"Can't you let some of it just happen? Take off the gloves, throw out the outline, let things flow, let it get messy..."
"Well, I suppose. How would I do that?"
"Go back to what I said before. Conflict. That's where things get interesting. Let things flow from there. And my lord?"
"Yes?"
"I've told you I don't like that nickname. You did ask for my help in this."
"Very well, very well. Lucifer, how can I make this work more interesting?"
"Well, for starters, maybe a good villain..."
"Hmm....."